Awaited Fulfillments

I think, I live, but I would love to die,
I know it's tough, but I still want to try,
To see if the essence of life is sweeter than death,
To realize my soul of what lies underneath...

I think, I live, but I want to know,
What lies in the realms of the hidden tomorrow,
To see if there is any way to unfold the secrets before my fall,
And change what would come so that it may not come at all...

I think, I live, wishing as moments pass,
If I could only rewind what has happened alas,
To see if some things in life would have turned another way,
And be different from what they are now today...

I think, I live, for I can bear no more,
The burdens of joy, the sorrows of hope,
Just to see if I can stay breathing today,
I continue to live for yet another day...

But soon my friends, the time will come,
Although it may seem forever to some,
When in your midst I will remain no more,
And would never return, however you encore...

So be the one who stands by all,
Friend or foe, large or small,
And let the whole world cry when you die,
Like the way they rejoiced when you were born...

The End

I always hoped for something to be good,
When I knew hope I never should,
But in the end, everything will be alright,
Was all my heart said to my mind all night,
When it kept thinking of her in its lonely ways,
For God knows so how many days.

But in the end, it didn't turn out to be alright,
All I got was a reason to pity my plight,
When I realized she could never be mine,
Like a sun on my cold life she would never shine,
She only said a few words to me,
Which changed the face of my whole destiny.

What she said was neither too bad,
Nor, obviously, I was too glad,
She was just as indifferent as she could be,
All she said was that she would never love me,
As coolly and calmly as one could be,
Because she never saw the fire she ignited in me.

It was the end, I could clearly see,
Not only of my love, but the end of me,
Now I am just nothing just a breathing corpse,
Unable to do anything in the world but remorse,
But still somewhere around a new hopes lay,
That I will live again one bright day.

Till that day comes, I cease to live,
For all my life any happiness I couldn't give,
Not just to anyone else, not to even me,
My life feels depleted and devastated so dimly,
I can never stand again until I can love again,
I just lie here with my eternal pain.

The Truth

The truth should have dawned upon me long ago,
Having realized this now will make me always know,
And bear the fact in my mind that wherever I may fall,
None else but me will have to be responsible for it all,
Kneading with all my soul I have been cherishing my love,
Showing how much proud I was to share with all my love,
And now I have got no more glee within me,
Love has finally shown me my disdainful destiny,
Of sorrow, of gloom and of an ignominious darkness,
Tomorrow I know will be even more hopeless,
Really because, my love, I have always been a little careless,
And sure enough, my life too has got reckless,
Crying now I can see that in my life nothing matters,
Heartless in this vast meadow my soul lies in tatters,
In the nocturnal beauty of my ardours dilapidated,
Truth has now accordingly everything stated,
As cruelly as it can, it has had me devastated,
And now will remain nothing but my penance with me & my life together,
For eternity, I will lie in this dark valley, crying forever.

Soulless

The day I I finally came,
Was like the very day or maybe the same,
When I had to go away lonely,
Without any prologue just so suddenly,
I can now feel the power surging, binded for years within me,
The strength rising steadily, a water drop turning into sea,
Gradually it unfolds like a bouldered path under the sun,
But it does so, and that's enough for me to want,
As I had tried hard to let go yet clutched the soul like a prey,
For I had lost my soul when you had gone away that day.

And destiny took its final toll on me,
If at all it could be called my destiny,
Because it was just me who had lost everything in the light,
And didn't even try to put up a good fight,
The water splurged, the earth erupted, and I was left desolate,
I felt myself being crumpled under my own weight,
In devastation burned everything, the remains unalterable forever,
Without you, since that moment I was able to live never,
Something beyond death happened to me on that day,
For I had lost my soul when you had gone away that day.

I awaited salvation, and have won it at last,
But don't know why my memories keep haunting me from the past,
Maybe I need something more than just freedom,
Something more than all the fortunes of the kingdom,
Something like my soul which I can find no more,
Finding which in a new rising I will really adore,
I wait, just wait for this eternal cycle to end,
And a new day a new beginning God will surely send,
Whence I shall realize a new kind of today,
For I had lost my soul when you had gone away that day .

Painless Pain

You play games with me,
And the toy is only me,
Making myself even more hurt than I can ever be,
You play games making a foolish game of me,
And I gladly pay you my servitude for life,
My master you are, binded I am by love,
My love, which you don't pay in return,
Keeping me indulged in the dramas of yours,
You hope to get rid of me soon enough,
But you don't know me neither my love,
Which will be around you forever,
The chaos within my heart is never healed,
You again and again bring back wounds new to me,
The pain of which makes me happy still,
For they are something you give from your heart,
At least I am worthy of your hatred,
If not worthy enough to be loved,
So I accept all you give with a smile,
Even if they rip my soul apart,
The lovely little lacerations caused in your lament,
Obviate all my distress in the hope of seeking you,
Which try vainly to choke me often,
Yet keep my heart beating endlessly,
The pain bestowed is a blessing from you,
And may god never give you such pain,
For one day I will take your leave forever,
Leaving an empty painless wound within your heart.

Silent Promise

Noticing you going by my side each day,
To hide my tears I cannot but look away,
Because you feel nothing for me as far as I know,
Making me feel inside so hollow,
I yearn for you to see beyond my tear,
But alas, my dear you never even care,
Just remind me again and again how much me you loathe,
To trouble me and my thoughts are your only oath,
Still I in your toxic love I am inebriated,
And how much no need to say I have already stated,
But what hurts me most is your ignorance,
About my love and the amount of it's brilliance,
You become deaf whenever I want to make myself heard,
From your blind eyes my love beats are always forcefully returned,
Just for once, please listen to my plea,
You know I will keep my promise as long as I will be,
Still you refuse me for I have nothing to give,
Except my love and the silent promise as long as I live,
A promise that I will love you forever,
A promise that I will leave you never,
You believe me not, or so you say,
And your mistrust exceeds all the price I can pay,
So I reap nothing, except betrayal and sorrow,
But yes, there is always a hope for a new tomorrow,
A new beginning which may take place today,
It doesn't matter that the today can be everyday,
All that matters to me is that you know my love's meaning,
As you are the only one about whom I keep dreaming,
My silent promise just wants to say,
That I will keep loving you each and every day.

I Don't Understand

Sometimes you just stride looking past me afar,
This happens so often, year after year,
Yet sometimes you let me come near to show my love,
Getting me so meeked, so tensed in my nerve,
Perplexed I remain stranded within my heart,
In your memory, your love, your eyes, and your heart,
You belong my beloved to the boughs of the breeze,
Flying oh so tenderly with utter ease,
Still I don't understand what you hold inside,
However I try your thoughts I can never ride,
I seem to know not what you feel about me,
Whether hatred or love or nothing at all for me,
In a state of unconsciousness you drive me dear,
And drive me more so in the distance of my tear,
Which drips along in the agony of not knowing you at all,
For remaining ignorant of the girl in whose love I had to fall,
I chide myself for not understanding you in the beginning,
But it's true too that you never understood my feeling,
We both got stuck in this crowded world,
Depriving us of some loneliness in this world,
You betrayed your anger, so gloomy I got,
For what was the reason of your fear I knew not,
So I just ask you to give a little thought,
With a vow of giving you everything I have got,
And that I will wait for the day when I will fully know,
What you feel and why it you are afraid to show.

The Beautiful You

The wide large eyes, brown and round,

Looking so intently at the infinity of surround,

Wandering aimlessly trying to reflect the thoughts inside,

I so wish these eyes would be on me, not on my side,

For your eyes make me go crazy in your love again and again.

The soft white face, blushing like a bride,

A thing which for you must be of immense pride,

Can make so beautiful this bleak world of mine,

And stop my tears from filling it with brine,

For your face makes me go crazy in your love again and again.

The striking lovely smile, vanishing all my harrowing strife,

Showing me all the glittering jewels of life,

A little laugh of yours sounding like music of the heaven,

To see them forever anything I may have given,

For your smile makes me go crazy in your love again and again.

The black silky hair flowing all around,

The sleek naughty locks teasing me round & round,

The tumultuous approbation of the winds I can hear,

Because all the beauty of your hair compels them to shear,

For your hair makes me go crazy in your love again and again.

You are so beautiful, I cannot describe,

To stay away from you, one must proscribe,

And you are an angel, a magnet of my love,

So white & pure, a sorrowless dove,

For you make me go crazy in your love again and again.

You Never Look Back

I look at you, you never look back,
Not even for a moment, never for a start,
I stare by, like a haunted soul,
Waiting for your eyes, to make me sane again,
But alas, I remain bounded by my insanity,
For you never look back at me,
I can just wait, wait as the days go by,
Waiting for you to look back and try,
To see what you want, see it in your eyes,
As my friends say that you will never be mine,
They see my tearful eyes, wondering whether ever,
Yours will meet them, or will they never,
Your eyes are so brown, glinting like a crown,
But they do not suit you, with your ever lingering frown,
The thing which looks good is only your smile,
And nothing else, not even the thousand stars,
Driving around this world, throwing light upon it,
Like the sun shines and stars twinkle,
You seem to come and go away from me,
Just within my reach then glide away so gracefully,
Leaving me empty hearted taking back your love,
Leaving me lonely again with a bleak promise of your friendship,
And I keep waiting, as the time goes by,
Waiting for you to look back at me someday..

The Name

Pearly shining eyes of yours take away all my glee,
Right from the moment I saw them I began to make my plea,
In my dreams in night and all day long,
You are the only one I see all along,
After you refused there is nothing now I feel,
Defying all my joys my sorrows gleam like steel,
Hoarding all I had withing the realms of your eyes,
Instilling my desires within my lonely cries,
Making up my mind now is a job very rough,
And being without you is even more tough,
Nice you are no doubt and have always been to me,
In spite of that I wish you could also be my destiny,
Like the river wanders away but reaches the sea neither shaken & broken,
Or the rain which always gives back the earth all the water it has taken,
Vain got my pride when I saw the beauty in you,
Everything was mingled into droplets smaller then dew,
You were the reason, the reason for it all,
Of love, of life, the reason of me to fall,
Until I fell so far that I could nothing but love,
Until that very moment when I felt free like a dove,
With the sight of yours, with the world going blur,
All I could see was you, shining brilliantly like a star.

Long Moments

Every single moment despises your absence,
Missing altogether your heavenly essence,
Of live, of life, and of all I know,
But alas, my heart cannot all show.

Every single moment yearns for your arrival,
Still to you my existence is so trivial,
Like grass spread over a single thorn of life,
But you will I sadly know never wipe away my strife.

Every single moment you have given,
For my life is yours which I have lain,
At your hands kill me from the inside,
But in your hope I keep on my stride.

Every single moment now seems so long,
Longer than the moments that seem to have gone,
Wasted in your thoughts with nothing to gain,

But the relish of long moments in their bestowed pain.

Every single moment is for you of mine,

Right since the day the sun began to shine,
And I will love you you better know,
Till all of the stars cease to glow.

You Have Gone So Far

I wait for you, I wait in vain,
Knowing there still are many days left of my pain,
You have gone, gone so far,
Gone further from the farthest star,
You went so fast without saying goodbye,
Leaving me crying all day & night,
In vain as I say in vain as I know,
In vain I try to match with your flow,
I miss you knowing that you won't miss me,
Hell I still love you but the why is a mystery,
The distance of furlongs can never disparage my love,
But yes it does hurt my heart oh my beloved,
Lots of advices & a lotter words,
Can't assuage my grief which feels like swords,
But the truth is known, above and below,
That you are so far from me as far as I know,
You never love, I have realized long ago,
Still I be by your side, like a lingering crow,
You have told me enough, enough I have heard,
It's time you know now my dear beloved,
That in spite of your chiding,
That in spite of your hiding,
I will love you nevertheless,
Though your smile for me is all you may bless,
Every moment to you I will stare,
Waiting for you for a moment to spare,
For you don't know, and may never know ever,
That without being together, we can exist never,
But you are still so far, so far from me,
So far from even, your own destiny,
That is, if you doubt, none but me,
Your very own destiny, is none but me.

Repentance

I have been rude I know that much,
But you behaved too unwell so my behaviour was such,
You may have felt bad although I felt worse,
Chiding you like that for the demeanour you showed,
You desereved less, I gave you bit more,
Of both love & the angst that I showed,
I may say sorry but that won't matter now,
For the past that's gone cannot be brought back anyhow,
I repent in vain but cannot help it,
Wondering how could I say those words to you,
I feel so meaningless & teared within,
Becoming every instant so mindingly thin,
From the heart which wants to run away from my soul now,
As it has sinned to speak so ill of you to you,
What can I do pray give some advice,
So that in your eyes my esteem can again be nice,
Or else I will die thinking it a crime,
Nah, that would be too much at an age so prime,
But I surely will never be able to forget this folly,
Till you say for what I said you forgave me,
Lonely I was before lonely I will ever be,
Since you have turned your head away from me,
Meaning what was not to be meant was too much to say,
For what I have done now I know it's my turn to pay,
Forgive me my dear forgive oh my angel,
I am sunk in heart in mind & in spirit so I just want to say,
I beg of you with my heart please don't continue to play,
So that I may not have to keep repenting for what I did today.

Alone Without You

I am feeling so bored, 
Because you have not roared, 
I am alone without you, 
Whatever others say, it is true, 
That you are my whole world, 
The love has gradually unfurled, 
The solitude I feel, 
Cannot be captured in a reel, 
A purely different feeling I have, 
I cannot express my proper love, 
I acknowledge you for my plight, 
You are my life's light, 
All the people are like nothing, 
The feeling of crowd you only bring, 
I am so lonely, 
I can feel you really, 
In your empty seat, 
Trodden with papers' fleet, 
I see & gently clear them away, 
And keep them safely in a tray, 
Everyone's is shooting very loud, 
If you were here, you would be proud, 
You, with your friends, look so blushy, 
The lawn of adolescence is looking so grassy, 
But going yellow without you, 
You will have to sprinkle some dew, 
To return the greenery somehow, 
Do not think that I want to force you now, 
To bend under my words, 
You are the leopard with strong paws, 
Anything from me you may, 
Ask as I love you way, too much, 
I am so lonely today, 
I wish there wouldn't be any holiday.

Before The Words

The tangled thoughts trotter along, 
They cannot be said through mere words, 
They can only be expressed through the heart, 
Or through eyes which want to see you, 
Your mysterious eyes seem to reveal something, 
I can just touch it but unable to grasp, 
I get dizzy from your sweet face, 
The sharp features can be clearly seen, 
Enough to make anyone your courter, 
Who is madly in love with you, 
When I see you, my world is illuminated, 
But your absence renders me feel scared, 
From the very fear haunting me, 
Lest you should become someone else's, 
You look so unknown to me, 
Yet so known for years it seems, 
I keep groping in the darkness, 
Lost in a way with many directions, 
A different dimension altogether, 
In the world of true love, 
My selfless love you can very well understand, 
As that is why I love you with all I have, 
Because a golden girl like you, 
Can never ever be loved less, 
However she wants to avert her gaze, 
When she has thrown me in a maze, 
I am hurt by cupid's arrow, 
Only you can diminish my sorrow, 
The girl who is more beautiful than the moon, 
Who can be more mesmerizing than a flute, 
Is none else but only you, 
I want to say that I really LOVE YOU.

Beginning of New Love

I cannot say how much you are sweet, 
In beauty everyone you can beat, 
The shining black hair of your, 
Makes my love even more pure, 
What you think about me, I am not sure, 
But all I know is that you are my cure, 
Your skin is not so fair, 
Still your looks are quite rare, 
I remained blind for long, 
Then one day I heard your song, 
And realized later that you were just talking, 
In a voice more melodious than a nightingale, 
I have long before forgotten my past crush, 
But still then, I have not proceeded much, 
In convincing you that I am no more, 
In love with that girl, it is now a thing of yore, 
I did not understand too, 
But I have started loving you, 
Many days of waiting lies ahead of me, 
But I know that patience is the key, 
To win your heart and love you, 
And control the bull of Taurus within you, 
With your decent look and pleasing nature, 
You make your company a real pleasure, 
Now I am just a friend of your, 
And that too, I am not sure, 
But I am determined too, 
To make a new relation with you, 
Towards the first goal I have started, 
That is to become your good friend, 
And then only can I think, 
Of some day giving you a wink, 
I wait for the day for you to find the link, 
When the sun will rise & darkness will sink.

Don't Leave

You are alone, on your own, 
When I saw you first, love's seeds were sown,
But when you ignored me, my world was mown, 
Out of your world, I was thrown, 
Better than seeing you with someone unknown, 
To the sky, we be flown, 
Why, when you see me you groan? 
Without you I will die, I am so prone, 
To your sight, & you are grown, 
None of your qualities are in need to hone, 
In anguish & helpless, I moan, 
When anyone else hears your sweet tone, 
The whole of me, you own, 
This by the world is known, 
One day you will be gone, 
Then again that will be end of dawn, 
Be with me, forget what I have done, 
Make a laughter, from your frown, 
The day is so much lovely and brown, 
I wish from being unreachable, to me you would come down.

Everyone Is studying

All are reading something, 
I am reading nothing, 
Just writing poems for you, 
For no one else, only for you, 
The urge to scribble comes from inside, 
I keep all other things beside, 
So instead of studying hard, 
I sit & play card, 
I can study if I want to, 
But I choose to see you, 
I do not care what others do, 
Only about what you do, 
All the books are useless, 
I must throw them unless, 
They can win your heart, 
I have loved you since birth, 
You do not need to study, 
Because you were very steady, 
Whole of the year, 
So you have no need to fear, 
But I have reasons of my own, 
Which are not unknown, 
All are prepared for the test, 
I keep sitting & hope for the best.

Everywhere I go

I go to school, I go to house, 
But Alas! There's no spouse, 
Waiting eagerly for me, 
To serve me some tea, 
I go to swim, I go to study, 
But after my day when I am muddy, 
There's no one for me, 
To ask me how I hurt myself so badly, 
Everywhere I go, I miss your essence, 
Sometimes I think, what nonsense? 
Then you come again in my dream, 
Hindering all my thought's stream, 
At every place, I wish your feet to be with me, 
And spend time with you, very skillfully, 
Your smell mesmerizes me so, 
That endlessly in your love I begin to flow, 
Without any direction, I wonder through all day, 
In my mind, you always stay, 
Following me in all circumstance, 
You play with me, so many pranks, 
I look at the sky, & with a sigh, 
Wondering when you will be mine.

Falling In Love, Again

After forgetting the girl I loved before, 
I had decided I will fall in love no more, 
But alas, I have broken my resolution, 
And unknowingly drunk cupid's solution, 
I fell in love with you more, 
Much more than I loved anyone before, 
I want to start a new beginning, 
Out of joy, so I am singing, 
Hints of my love I have started giving, 
The love which was buried is now reviving, 
I can't control now anymore, 
Without you, I am getting sore, 
I miss you with my every breath, 
Every moment I am being reduced to wreath, 
The experience feels wholly new, 
While falling in love with you, 
So sweet, so gentle, and then too strong, 
For you, I cannot wait much long, 
Still over a month lies ahead of me, 
To check whether we have a destiny, 
Which I reckon is already written, 
What left now is only to be beaten, 
By the mighty bull in you, 
Whereas I am a small cat who mews, 
I repent not being friendly before, 
But what could I do, I could no more, 
Try to be overly frank, 
In your love, I am fully sunk, 
The feeling of love, 
Is like a flying dove, 
Uncontrollable but yet then tender, 
Flying without reign and also slender, 
I try in vain to pursue a different course, 
In the struggle my voice becomes hoarse, 
And I openly begin to cry, 
Till my tears become dry, 
I am so lucky to get you by my side, 
The consolation of you being beside, 
Is for me quite more than enough, 
To again madly fall in love.

Figures & Numbers

Today is the math's exam, 

Due to which many cram, I have learnt all the figures, So that I can face the tigers, In the battle of numbers, The prizes are ambers, I have prepared well, But you are prepared like hell, I cannot compete you anyway, The figures & numbers are enjoying their way, The world is now digital, There are very few petal, But thanks to god you are the one, Wait a second, I am not done, I still have to tell, Why before you I knel, You I saw as infinity, And that too with full symmetry, The highest of all, Than the Niagara fall, The relation of our, Is quite sour, Because it is not a function, It's only my love's junction, I will keep trying, In spite of all the wrying, To know why I am crying, I am really not trying, The numbers are all against me, The odds are my destiny, We revolve round the number, From VIPs to plumber, I wish you all the best, Free from all pest, I will save you from the bombers, There will be only figures & numbers.

Forgive Me

I did not want to make you sad, 
And doing it has made me feel bad, 
I cannot express how much I repent, 
For the words that day I sent, 
Straining our sweet friendship, 
Some altercation can always creep, 
But I am really sorry for all, 
I promise I will never again befall, 
The trust you have in me, 
By saying things which are empty, 
I want my lovely friend back, 
I know many virtues I lack, 
But that does not stop you from forgiving me, 
At least for me you can show some mercy, 
I will never argue relentlessly again, 
I have said it clear & plain, 
Your anger is no doubt right, 
For it was me who began the fight, 
But mistakes are forgotten when repented, 
As much as I could, I have hinted, 
That I am sorry from heart, 
I did not want you to be hurt, 
This is all I can do, 
The rest is all upto you, 
Let me know if I have succeded, 
In having you anger receded, 
And in case the answer is yes, 
Just give me a wide smile, 
And I know it cannot be no, 
Because you are very sweet & nice.

I Can Only Hope

Nothing is in my hands, 
Only time is taking the hours' hands, 
I keep looking around, 
Concentrating on a random sound, 
Hoping it may be your footstep, 
But every time I hallucinate, 
Your temper never allows, 
So that you can browse, 
The feeling of my heart, 
Or the wrinkles of my shirt, 
Being optimistic is tough, 
And that is not enough, 
To make the hope come true, 
Which inside me grew, 
I can only hope you will know, 
How much I love you, 
And come to know my life, 
You can demolish my strife, 
The ray of hope I can find, 
Prevents me from going blind, 
Hoping all the way through, 
Every gloom I threw, 
You come & make me happy, 
So that my life gets shapy, 
You may be in America, or in Europe, 
The only way is to hope.

I Cannot Forget You

Everyone keeps telling me, 
I should not expect any ceremony, 
To be celebrated with you, 
Because I cannot get you, 
So I shouldn't think of any valentine, 
You have broken all my vine, 
But I cannot forget my love, 
I love you more than enough, 
Your face I see everywhere, 
When I am asleep, or in a fair, 
About you I very much care, 
My love I cannot share, 
I can give you love infinite, 
Making your day too bright, 
Tomorrow you could be my mate, 
If it would not be for fate, 
Forgetting you is impossible, 
The love of yours is a fable, 
I will listen to no one, 
Whatever may say anyone, 
Only my opinion I will follow, 
As I am on my solo, 
I didn't want to make a brawl, 
In the net, I love you overall, 
I cannot even ignore you, 
Let alone hate you, 
My friends discourage me, 
That you won't be my destiny, 
I am not the one who can forget so easily, 
The girl I love so madly, 
I will never leave you, 
So much I love you, 
Others may continue, 
I will try to undo, 
I have done what I should not do, 
That's why I cannot forget you.

I Miss You So

When you aren't there I miss you so,
I suffer several blow,
You hide you face behind the paper,
I know I am not so good to favour,
Between us so many come,
I can only see glances of you some,
You are now not here,
But I miss you everywhere,
You made an excuse to get away,
I watched in vain as your image went gray,
I wish I could be with you,
But compared to me, you are so shrew,
You want before I could stop,
My plan went totally flop,
I am nothing without you,
In your absence no sapling grew,
The result of my love was blank,
It is now lying on a thin plank,
If you move a bit,
It may fall through the slit,
Or it may come in the land,
Falling in your safe hand,
You are in class, then you see me,
And ask someone to close the door, if she is free,
I am hurt from inside,
All what you want I will abide,
The distance between us keeps growing,
The potion of love keeps flowing,
You look towards left & right,
Giving me a hell of fright,
With you I want to go,
Oh I miss you so.

I Say Now

Someday I will have to reveal,
Which till now I had to veil,
Which deep in myself I nurture,
Which is like a sweet torture,
Many times the voice rises inside,
But sadly what it says I cannot abide,
With the greatest effort I bury it,
Just for a very short time,
Until it rises again,
Giving me even more pain,
The voice is of my heart,
It says that it loves you,
And I don’t care what it says,
Because I believe hard work always pays,
So if I am loyal and true,
My voice will surely be heard by you,
The reason I write this is that only,
For I think I can bear no more,
If I cannot say,
My life will surely turn gray,
The time has come,
The time will go,
I was with you,
I will be with you,
As long as you know,
That I love you,
And want you to accept me,
As a partner in your destiny,
If you reject me,
I will at least be a friend truly,
I hope that moment never comes,
As our relation can be more than friendship.