Happy New Year

And, here's another one of my first letter of every line poems...

Wiser left a lot, and leaving this year so soon,
I wait for the new era, of fifty two weeks, of hopeful boon,
Silently mournful, of all the events that have led to memories,
Having all those sorrowful times of detoured destinies,
Yet there were priceless moments too, impalpable in worth,
Often condoned, for I failed to see joy, in bright old days and evening swarth,
Unthanked, they though lingered, balancing the gloom, with as much glee,
And I now on this last day, all facile lessons, can so limpidly see,
Verily experienced, than a self an year younger, ready for future's freight,
Every year, the same thoughts exist, yet the difference, felt in their weight,
Return will I to the beginning again, to a new page for all the days, waiting for their ends,
Year later one, compiled, to form a new chapter, of the book of life God sends,
Hastier than time itself, this waiting patience, now bearing much thinner than brim,
As I assume there's no more to this year, waiting till midnight, another perfunctory whim,
Purely trying to be obdurate, for the last few seconds, being the unreal king,
Painting the canvas left, with water, searching to fill the space, left nowhere within,
Yawning to the lullaby of quietus, felt surreal, just not heard, to sleep,
Now this gets rare, as tomorrow when I wake, I will get a new year to keep,
Envious I will cease to be, of all others, as all will become at par in time,
Where the hourglass will have been flipped, waiting for the sands to chime,
Years later will I I ponder, the same way write and think?
Each year passes, so, will the next too, like each those petaled water, in a restless blink?
And the answer unrevealed now, will inexorably await me after next fall,
Referring to this day of past, when I was wishing, a Happy New Year to all.

Distressed

A sudden day, after awakenment, feeling feeble, I try to rise,
Only to fail, stalled in oblivion, the world turning dark,
And cold, too much to bear, time to pay the price,
Of all my worries, tensions and fear, I had failed to mark,
To be haunted, as in those nightmares soothing, dying,
Losing sanity in a moment, vision of life turned to ashes,
A day off is now here, I can skip yet, I keep on trying,
To wake into proper, to gather myself, as time passes,
Fast and glorious, leaving me behind, as it always has,
I wonder the problem, sudden it just seems,
Lie so many reasons scores, hidden from realization for survival,
They just need a tap, to fall into conscious realms,
And as they unveil, all falls into place, marking my silent age's arrival,
Heeded at last, bound to bind, my soul and body to earth,
Flat on my back, refusing to let me go, even for yet another day,
I close my eyes, losing hope, finally accepting it's the start,
Of a few days of rest, to forget those fears, waiting for me to wash away.

There There

That random poem you write when your classes get cancelled and you're sitting idle in college telling yourself 'there there'(the first letter of each line)...

This freaky moment of hopeless pain,
Hardly felt, so much imbibed inside for long,
Everyday since those first tears, everyday since joy was doomed,
Remedied by the pain, of the fake smile over the wrecked soul,
Eventuality waiting, with the true smirk it holds...

True it's insanity, as practiced by all,
Hating for hypocrisy, so much what we are,
Everyday it continues, refusing quietus, our shame,
Replete to the brim, the lost hope of hope over the tears,
Expecting the very unexpected, that we will freely laugh again...

Little Story

Mind blowing... I mean, padhna mat, mind ghumke sach main kharaab ho jayega... Isse statutory warning samajh lo bas... Par kabhi kabhi ghatiya poems bhi likhni chahiye, or else the great ones, cease to be valued...

A short story of my little love, I will say today,
I was sitting there idle and listening, when I saw her one day,
Looked impeccably common, yet a glow glistened around her,
I had noticed many times before, but never so intently, had I attended her,
All love takes really is a moment I knew, when I that day suddenly saw her...

A short story of my little love, I will say today,
It should've started earlier again, but ended up beginning on May,
I was too busy, sorting out life as I wanted it to be,
Too much of a fool I was to feel, that I can control my destiny,
As soon as it ends, the start is bound, and as they say, there is no end to melody...

A short story of my little love, I will say today,
It hasn't been a while, it hasn't been years, still with her I would want to fervidly stay,
You might think oh again, it's all an old story, worth encore a forget,
I beg to differ, however my friend, for each moment is special, with each person if you let,
The nectar is eternal & hopeful, just waiting to be drunk, like the sun rises everyday, although it's bound to set...

A short story of my little love, I will say today,
She is somewhere in this city, oblivious to in my life, how much her need, this moment is supposed to lay,
I want it this way too, forever hidden, obscured my love, by this veil of reality to be wrapped,
Leaving her as she is, hopping in my memory, as the moon white and far, unable to be trapped,
Just another reason to smile, a thousand time she is, knowing I once saw her, in the very moment cupid tapped...

Now I end the story, accepting it never began, boring life will be as it was, time will keep running, as it has always ran,
I revealed nothing my friends, just a few jumbled thoughts, for the rest of what has happened and will,
Is also unknown to me, I just said whatever I could remember, scrounging through my needs,
In these times perilous, of manipulated life's memories, you will wish I never return, for this hasn't been much of a story,
So sorry this wasn't great, I never promised would be, I just wanted you to know, how much confusing a little love can be...!!

Depleted Mother

I walk alone on this yellow stretch,
Vivid and dark, awating wretch,
I remember not how I come to be here,
The memory of the start, I can no more bear,
I walk alone on this yellow stretch,
Awaiting the end of this dream, awaiting wretch...

I run alone through the barren field,
Empty and lost, given to greed,
Trees all missing, only remnants of a brough,
I see thorned vampires, where leaves used to grow,
I run alone through the barren field,
Given to the deep of this dream, given to greed...

I swim alone in this deep deadly ocean,
Where nothing swims anymore, and only scales solemnly burn,
Devoid of life, all the marine left to die,
It was once breathing, before compelled to cry,
I swim alone in this deep deadly ocean,
Where I dream this deadly dream, and only scales solemnly burn...

I fly alone in this sky so vast,
Here too I see no one, surely I'm the last,
The few smoky things there are, they never seem to heed,
Feathers bundled in blood, claws of last need,
I fly alone in this sky so vast,
In vain I hope this dream will end, surely I'm the last...

Now all that remains for me is maybe not to feel the pain,
That the earth suffers for us for all our needless gain,
Shall I too ignore its plea, and take all her salt and rock?
Or is it time to rise again, destroy the ticking clock?
Now all that remains for me is maybe not to feel the pain,
Lest I object to my luxury, and to all our needless gain...

The Name

Religion teaches renouncement, but love is bliss,
Adhere to that dogma, and that bliss you'll surely miss,
Deep inside our mind, what exists will die with us,
Hoary though yet love will remain, in our heart full of blush,
Isled in an ocean all alone, although hope can make us thrive,
Kindness and honour wagered in war, in the end, love can always survive,
Another heartbreak on its way, now I sense but in vain,
Jabbing the heart with all its might, another cause digging that brutal old pain,
Availing an open scar, healed for a rougher tomorrow now again,
I embrace the love with its might, I embrace the light, I embrace the rain,
New beginning, again hoped for as in each time I fall for a you,
I fail each time alright, and this time too, with or without you,
Living dead I will be rendered, after this period of amazement and lust,
On a bleak rocky terrain of the desert, in a dead ship, me wailing on its mast,
Vanity shed, hurt gained, memories of present, waiting to be the past,
Every time that happens, rejection and gloom, every time I think its the last,
Years go by, I heal and love again, I never cease to grow like that tree,
On the ground, in that fairy tale, love nurtured in my heart, I begin to live for thee,
Usable again, recycled and alive, each time searching again, life for its destiny.

Period

Today in coaching Sir came a little bit too late, so during that time, I wrote up one, trying to bring what my senses were perceiving during that period into words...

About the center of the room, I sit poker faced,
Silence shed as in those moments rare,
Sitting with a friend, commotion embraced...

Here I wait, prepared to study,
To add more to the knowledge already muddy,
Here I sit, with a new buddy,
Waiting for peace, so that I may study...

It's a normal room, under the ground,
Where pupils come, for time some sound,
Grouped in hours, boundaries blurred,
Gossips and books, cascaded so fine,
I imprint in memory, this moment now mine...

In that crowd, upon a beaming beauty I gaze,
To my dismay & relief, she emerges a maze,
Looks so virtuous yet so vile, a tangle of thoughts,
Submerged in herself, while her friend beside talks,
Many more are around her, still I see her lonely,
Because everytime I look up, it's now her I see only...

Suddenly a foolish thought, brushes my shocked mind,
Can she be the one, who I am born to find?
I shove it aside swiftly, learned from the past,
These moments come often, but never do they last,
And this too will end, when the class begins,
But as long as it lasts, dazed I will be,
Hidden from her eyes, while I see only she...

I swing my view around, reluctantly away from her,
Flinging her image away, as a distant star,
What are others thinking, ask to myself me,
Later feeling the wrong, for they were not born free,
They think what told, they do what told,
They shout like no tomorrow, that's the only thing untold,
And now I must go, for shortly class will begin,
Leaving these precious moments behind, barely felt, always unseen...

Towards Light

When life is tough, it hurts,
And that's an old story,
When the fight is over,
No matter who won,
Those who are dead,
Have a divine glory,
You know their value,
Know their valour,
Know what the chose to be,
Life is no different,
You have to fight sans death,
Keep the courage,
And that's an old story...

Cliche lines, daily quotes,
Have turned now grey and hoary,
My love was blind & yours was missing,
My heart bled all and I was broken,
I felt so low, devoid any glee,
My eyes unfocused, mind wanting to flee,
Same words as before, same do they mean,
So I say skip the past, for that's an old story...

Old is gold, rare moments come,
When this line fails to stay true,
It's actually tarnished, demoned and lone,
The old only remains fit,
To pave the path for a life new,
Keep trodding, and feel the fear,
Of the unknown future, what it has,
And know that it is better, than the lovely pain,
The past has reminded, time and again,
Hold on to the lessons, and forget the tears,
What else to say, that's an old story...

Think of advancing, like a baby ignorant,
Along the time, as it goes,
From darkness to light,
From moments to ages,
From blissed to blessed,
From agony to blossom,
From night to day,
From seconds to time,
From me to us,
From you to thee,
From race to trots,
From trails to paths,
From life to love,
And from fury to fear, overcome though,
From reading to feel,
From freedom to freed,
From vanity to sane,
Which I hope you'll be,
And I as always, as abrupt it may seem,
Say goodbye now, with this old story...

Knowing The Lies

This is for the people(the "you") who often think low of themselves and have a low self-esteem(because I used to be such a person, and now am quite the opposite(too much, I think sometimes)), thinking they are not good enough for anything, just because the world(the "I") thinks so... This is for them, to be read with their own eyes; this is for them, to realize the lies... So never forget, that you're the best, and will always be, even after your heart rests...


You're a failure, a blot on life,
Good for nothing, barely alive,
With nothing but a mind,
Prone to break the bounds,
And nothing but a soul,
Still valuing honesty & hating the foul,
So you're good for nothing,
Should be hated for being so able & human,
You are dead already or should die,
For you're a failure, and that's a lie...

Your opinion is never right,
You are no worthy of your space,
What you think is facile and bleak,
Vague and smaller, than the useless dew,
Whatever you may say, original and new,
Is fit to be refuted, thrown in the queue,
There's still time for you,
To go away from other people's lives,
To a dungeon of loneliness apt,
And I'll know you're worse than I think you're,
If you still believe all these lies I say corrupt ...

You seem to forget your value,
So you should know you have none,
You're just another tongue in the crowd of dogs,
Basking oblivious, sans reason under the sun,
You're born to die, so why try to live,
Bearing all pain and shedding vanity,
Holding to morals, in this world so glib,
I'll never be happy, when you come to know,
What I think is inconsequential, you could've stolen the show,
Now fall apart please, to never rise again,
And if you fall further, it'll be no surprise,
You've chosen not to believe in yourself, but to trust only lies...

A Memory

I remembered those days,
When we were still friends,
Lying in my bed and wondering,
Why did you come yesterday night,
After aeons so long in & as my dream,
Reminding me you live, yet again?

The memories of those days, although a few,
Came rushing by, while thinking of you,
The wrong was mine, but an also also is there,
Lurking somewhere in the realm,
But you refuse to believe it,
And I refuse to lie; we're deadlocked for life.

I felt in my trance,
In my mind & heart somewhere,
You reside still as a happy memory,
Never to be realized again as a friend even,
But never to leave, be it war or sorrow,
As suddenly coming in my thoughts today.

Confused I am, and who would be not,
When the one you know no more,
Comes into your dreams one fine day,
Like a tumultuous ocean, both alive & dead,
Trying to change all you forced yourself to believe,
The ignoble lies of the years before?

Though an imprint won't be left forever,
Of that kink in that reality now straight,
Time will take it again, as it has healed before,
The wait will pain, but in paucity no more,
I'll just pray you be happy, with every glee sans any gloom,
In your life away from all strife, with a lovely future sure to bloom.

Latent Lover

Wrote this just now, dedicated to someone, someone mine, someone I don't know, don't know if I'll ever know even... But still, one can always have an unknown lover of their dreams they don't know, right? Or at least, I can...

You hide from me, even in my dreams,
Leaving me in the doubt, do you even exist?
But then I ask myself as always I do,
If you didn't, how could you  hide from me in my dreams?

Every time I search for the signs,
In every girl I see is it you?
Wondering if I will ever get to you in time,
Scared if I can't, how will I live alone forever?

Travelling around the worlds and universes in my mind,
When I fail to find you, does it hurt?
I know not the reply, neither do I want to know,
I just crave one answer to, where are you my lover?

Melodies of gloom settle in now and then,
Though is it any good being in grief?
I think to myself and smile wryly again,
After all, isn't it hope that makes a man meet his love?

The days end and days begin of search,
Back in my mind I think what if I'm wrong?
Then realize promptly what I always forget,
That if you didn't exist, how could you hide from me?

While I Go

I wrote this one while sitting in a metro going to meet some friends and as I had nothing to do, I scribbled this hastily in my phone... It's not too good, but still I would like to share this...

Sitting on my way, on a bright subway,
Scores of faces around, some vigilant some silent & sound,
I look all around me, wondering what's their destiny,
And whether they have noticed me too, or at each other in secret ways all new,
As places come and places go, I suddenly realize that I should know,
New faces arrive and the old ones depart, just like the course of nature since its start,
I look around again, wanting to know about all of them in vain,
Still some are stylish, some plain, some erudite, some diffident and uncertain,
Some listening to music softly and slowly, some a little louder sharing melody,
And time passes by oblivious to all, as I realize that I must go,
For my destiny has come, shared with some having the same as me,
Some not so, who I wish could see where they want to be,
But alas, as I said , I must go, leaving them behind, for another time, another day,
Another train, and another way, with an ending unaccounted, ending today.

Wasted Moments

I opened my blog just now and realized that today it's been exactly four months since my last poem... Was I really so busy?? The time seems to have just flown at lightening speed, and I am now almost halfway through the year without even noticing that... Keeping the jitters of my mind apart, I thought I could do with a new poem tonight... After all, my exams have ended, and there is a two month long holiday before me with nothing much eventful in schedule... I don't expect many to  understand this one, I just expect me to do so...

Time has gone by, nothing new I say

But its passing is different for each man

I realize sitting on this seventeenth of May.

Experiences altered, and altercating between the mind and its state

Many times leave us wondering our past happenings

Allowing us to choose, the lie that all was fate.

They come flooding to my senses, taking my current away

Browsing the memory and its reasons in its own

Although my mind refuses my reluctance to remember today.

What I did I cannot change, these needless thoughts still persist

The past coming to haunt time and again all the time

However I may faint, trying hopelessly to resist.

The days were the same, the seconds were shared

For me and everyone around I know, but the surroundings

Were different, for those who failed, from those who dared.

Those things and their days I want to forget forever

And I fail to find out how I remember especially them in detail

But remember I do, still haunted day and night, lost now waiting for that never.

Am I sane? I ask myself again, as I realize again I have lost my moment

Losing my mind and body to the control of that something unexplained

Thinking about things only supposed to be of torment.

I answer myself, faltering and pausing, of course I say

I'm alright to me, at the same time know although I

That so many I's talking to me, in itself means I have never been okay.

Dream 2nd May

Had yet another epic dream yesterday... It's been hours since I woke up, but that exotic feeling has still not completely left me... It was so long, and detailed... But sadly, as always, I don't remember much right now... Still the little bits and pieces which are still stored in my memory, I am going to transfer to this post...

The dream started with me travelling hundred years into the future and learning many things about life and society of that day from an older person I had befriended- I'm not sure if it was the grown up self of me only... Anyways, then I began to fret that how will I return to the past which is actually my present time, as the thing which had brought to the present(actually future) could work one way only... The surrounding became milder with lots of sand and free space and a very few buildings... I noticed a truck and Voila! Inside it was a person claiming to take me home, my real home in my real time... He went by a little long way and asked me to sit behind as if I sat with him, my enemies would have a very hard time, so he claimed...

While deboarding, he warned me to be prepared for a little rebuke from my mother as it had been two days I was in the future and that time interval had been equally manifested in present too(my real present)... Then he vanished. I went inside my house preparing some excuse and realizing that he was someone divine who had come to my rescue... My mother didn't need any excuse, she didn't even ask me where I was, she behaved so normally, then... TRANSITION...

Sitting with my college friends on a ground I went to with my school friends... What a mess!! All kinds of people were there... I don't remember any conversations, but I remember that I was a little changed and was thinking of what I learnt in the future... I would love to experience more of that dream but my Dad called and broke it... It was 9'o Clock!! Sigh, time to wake up and study, it's exam time... -_^

Friends

I am alone sometimes, but I never want to feel lonely,
Regardless of all the lovely lies of life, regardless of what I know surely,
They try to drive me away, from all as I know,
The world has other places for me they say, where I should go,
But I linger with those wretched souls, friends the name known they are by,
For from my heart at least I have known them to be mine, though from theirs I'm just an alibi,
Some know me real, some haven't ever tried,
Some feel sorry that I laugh too much, some know about all the nights I have cried,
They betray their love as finely as hate, and I am perplexed as to whether I want to be,
With them on the landscape best enjoyed solely by me,
If they are worth sharing the joy, even if I am worth being tolerated by their sanity,
I care not for the answer though this present moment verily,
All I care for, is that I am with others instead of being lonely,
Misty skies wonder what my plight is, why I am thinking the way I write,
I ignore their queries, anything they ask, I can just not heed, unable to match their sight,
Because I have answers to none, of the what's and why's,
But as always I declare, I don't care, I don't care that you think I'm not nice,
Misunderstandings of cold torture are none, both sides know I know,
Still they creep in slow and steady, for the seeds of endurance, I had not got time to sow,
I love my friends, they're all I care for today, and I know they feel the same too,
Or maybe not, but who am I to say?
Whatever happens, I realize time an again, today I live, and tonight I may die,
Whatever happens, I realize time and again, I will always know I took time to try,
So when people ask me today why I am still not alone, I say, I don't want to be lonely,
Even if it means a few sporadic moments, when I am left just there to be alone only.

Wanderer

You look to me, I smile,

I wonder, if I still feel you as mine,

You want me too, but yourself haven't known,

So want me to hate you, all the love stown,

I too look at you, searching for a smile,

I fail to find it, only tears like the flood of Nile,

I wonder the reason, what makes you this gloom,

In this onset of spring, when all the flowers bloom,

Why you lie pristine, lost in your soul,

Untouched by mine, rendering me a solitary prowl,

We are so same, but you think we are not,

Or are confused just as me, thinking what you should not,

We are so free, to fly and fall,

I want us to do that together, that's just all,

But you listen not to even this plea of mine,

Alone and alone only you want to shine,

Sans me, sans my love, sans even any hope lying for me,

You won't you have decided, will ever think of me as destiny,

How confused you are, oh my dear even you don't see,

Blind to my heart open for you, willing to make you completely free,

Confused wanderer I am too, lost in my world of imagine,

Because of having that world in real, is a chance you have made too much thin,

I will go on and on, lost in my own in my world also own,

Lost without you only with my soul, that too alone,

Lost I will be and happy in losing you,

For if that is so destiny itself wants this, it's nothing new,

I will accept without wonder gleefully, all the pain you will give,

You may have left me on my own today, but in my dreams I will never let you leave.