Awaited Fulfillments

I think, I live, but I would love to die,
I know it's tough, but I still want to try,
To see if the essence of life is sweeter than death,
To realize my soul of what lies underneath...

I think, I live, but I want to know,
What lies in the realms of the hidden tomorrow,
To see if there is any way to unfold the secrets before my fall,
And change what would come so that it may not come at all...

I think, I live, wishing as moments pass,
If I could only rewind what has happened alas,
To see if some things in life would have turned another way,
And be different from what they are now today...

I think, I live, for I can bear no more,
The burdens of joy, the sorrows of hope,
Just to see if I can stay breathing today,
I continue to live for yet another day...

But soon my friends, the time will come,
Although it may seem forever to some,
When in your midst I will remain no more,
And would never return, however you encore...

So be the one who stands by all,
Friend or foe, large or small,
And let the whole world cry when you die,
Like the way they rejoiced when you were born...

The End

I always hoped for something to be good,
When I knew hope I never should,
But in the end, everything will be alright,
Was all my heart said to my mind all night,
When it kept thinking of her in its lonely ways,
For God knows so how many days.

But in the end, it didn't turn out to be alright,
All I got was a reason to pity my plight,
When I realized she could never be mine,
Like a sun on my cold life she would never shine,
She only said a few words to me,
Which changed the face of my whole destiny.

What she said was neither too bad,
Nor, obviously, I was too glad,
She was just as indifferent as she could be,
All she said was that she would never love me,
As coolly and calmly as one could be,
Because she never saw the fire she ignited in me.

It was the end, I could clearly see,
Not only of my love, but the end of me,
Now I am just nothing just a breathing corpse,
Unable to do anything in the world but remorse,
But still somewhere around a new hopes lay,
That I will live again one bright day.

Till that day comes, I cease to live,
For all my life any happiness I couldn't give,
Not just to anyone else, not to even me,
My life feels depleted and devastated so dimly,
I can never stand again until I can love again,
I just lie here with my eternal pain.

The Truth

The truth should have dawned upon me long ago,
Having realized this now will make me always know,
And bear the fact in my mind that wherever I may fall,
None else but me will have to be responsible for it all,
Kneading with all my soul I have been cherishing my love,
Showing how much proud I was to share with all my love,
And now I have got no more glee within me,
Love has finally shown me my disdainful destiny,
Of sorrow, of gloom and of an ignominious darkness,
Tomorrow I know will be even more hopeless,
Really because, my love, I have always been a little careless,
And sure enough, my life too has got reckless,
Crying now I can see that in my life nothing matters,
Heartless in this vast meadow my soul lies in tatters,
In the nocturnal beauty of my ardours dilapidated,
Truth has now accordingly everything stated,
As cruelly as it can, it has had me devastated,
And now will remain nothing but my penance with me & my life together,
For eternity, I will lie in this dark valley, crying forever.

Soulless

The day I I finally came,
Was like the very day or maybe the same,
When I had to go away lonely,
Without any prologue just so suddenly,
I can now feel the power surging, binded for years within me,
The strength rising steadily, a water drop turning into sea,
Gradually it unfolds like a bouldered path under the sun,
But it does so, and that's enough for me to want,
As I had tried hard to let go yet clutched the soul like a prey,
For I had lost my soul when you had gone away that day.

And destiny took its final toll on me,
If at all it could be called my destiny,
Because it was just me who had lost everything in the light,
And didn't even try to put up a good fight,
The water splurged, the earth erupted, and I was left desolate,
I felt myself being crumpled under my own weight,
In devastation burned everything, the remains unalterable forever,
Without you, since that moment I was able to live never,
Something beyond death happened to me on that day,
For I had lost my soul when you had gone away that day.

I awaited salvation, and have won it at last,
But don't know why my memories keep haunting me from the past,
Maybe I need something more than just freedom,
Something more than all the fortunes of the kingdom,
Something like my soul which I can find no more,
Finding which in a new rising I will really adore,
I wait, just wait for this eternal cycle to end,
And a new day a new beginning God will surely send,
Whence I shall realize a new kind of today,
For I had lost my soul when you had gone away that day .

Painless Pain

You play games with me,
And the toy is only me,
Making myself even more hurt than I can ever be,
You play games making a foolish game of me,
And I gladly pay you my servitude for life,
My master you are, binded I am by love,
My love, which you don't pay in return,
Keeping me indulged in the dramas of yours,
You hope to get rid of me soon enough,
But you don't know me neither my love,
Which will be around you forever,
The chaos within my heart is never healed,
You again and again bring back wounds new to me,
The pain of which makes me happy still,
For they are something you give from your heart,
At least I am worthy of your hatred,
If not worthy enough to be loved,
So I accept all you give with a smile,
Even if they rip my soul apart,
The lovely little lacerations caused in your lament,
Obviate all my distress in the hope of seeking you,
Which try vainly to choke me often,
Yet keep my heart beating endlessly,
The pain bestowed is a blessing from you,
And may god never give you such pain,
For one day I will take your leave forever,
Leaving an empty painless wound within your heart.

Silent Promise

Noticing you going by my side each day,
To hide my tears I cannot but look away,
Because you feel nothing for me as far as I know,
Making me feel inside so hollow,
I yearn for you to see beyond my tear,
But alas, my dear you never even care,
Just remind me again and again how much me you loathe,
To trouble me and my thoughts are your only oath,
Still I in your toxic love I am inebriated,
And how much no need to say I have already stated,
But what hurts me most is your ignorance,
About my love and the amount of it's brilliance,
You become deaf whenever I want to make myself heard,
From your blind eyes my love beats are always forcefully returned,
Just for once, please listen to my plea,
You know I will keep my promise as long as I will be,
Still you refuse me for I have nothing to give,
Except my love and the silent promise as long as I live,
A promise that I will love you forever,
A promise that I will leave you never,
You believe me not, or so you say,
And your mistrust exceeds all the price I can pay,
So I reap nothing, except betrayal and sorrow,
But yes, there is always a hope for a new tomorrow,
A new beginning which may take place today,
It doesn't matter that the today can be everyday,
All that matters to me is that you know my love's meaning,
As you are the only one about whom I keep dreaming,
My silent promise just wants to say,
That I will keep loving you each and every day.

I Don't Understand

Sometimes you just stride looking past me afar,
This happens so often, year after year,
Yet sometimes you let me come near to show my love,
Getting me so meeked, so tensed in my nerve,
Perplexed I remain stranded within my heart,
In your memory, your love, your eyes, and your heart,
You belong my beloved to the boughs of the breeze,
Flying oh so tenderly with utter ease,
Still I don't understand what you hold inside,
However I try your thoughts I can never ride,
I seem to know not what you feel about me,
Whether hatred or love or nothing at all for me,
In a state of unconsciousness you drive me dear,
And drive me more so in the distance of my tear,
Which drips along in the agony of not knowing you at all,
For remaining ignorant of the girl in whose love I had to fall,
I chide myself for not understanding you in the beginning,
But it's true too that you never understood my feeling,
We both got stuck in this crowded world,
Depriving us of some loneliness in this world,
You betrayed your anger, so gloomy I got,
For what was the reason of your fear I knew not,
So I just ask you to give a little thought,
With a vow of giving you everything I have got,
And that I will wait for the day when I will fully know,
What you feel and why it you are afraid to show.