Dream 2nd May

Had yet another epic dream yesterday... It's been hours since I woke up, but that exotic feeling has still not completely left me... It was so long, and detailed... But sadly, as always, I don't remember much right now... Still the little bits and pieces which are still stored in my memory, I am going to transfer to this post...

The dream started with me travelling hundred years into the future and learning many things about life and society of that day from an older person I had befriended- I'm not sure if it was the grown up self of me only... Anyways, then I began to fret that how will I return to the past which is actually my present time, as the thing which had brought to the present(actually future) could work one way only... The surrounding became milder with lots of sand and free space and a very few buildings... I noticed a truck and Voila! Inside it was a person claiming to take me home, my real home in my real time... He went by a little long way and asked me to sit behind as if I sat with him, my enemies would have a very hard time, so he claimed...

While deboarding, he warned me to be prepared for a little rebuke from my mother as it had been two days I was in the future and that time interval had been equally manifested in present too(my real present)... Then he vanished. I went inside my house preparing some excuse and realizing that he was someone divine who had come to my rescue... My mother didn't need any excuse, she didn't even ask me where I was, she behaved so normally, then... TRANSITION...

Sitting with my college friends on a ground I went to with my school friends... What a mess!! All kinds of people were there... I don't remember any conversations, but I remember that I was a little changed and was thinking of what I learnt in the future... I would love to experience more of that dream but my Dad called and broke it... It was 9'o Clock!! Sigh, time to wake up and study, it's exam time... -_^

Story of A Fallen Angel

I am just sinking, gasping for air, wry, dry, drenched, lost, and immersed eternally, in the nectar of pure untainted darkness, so sweet, so serene, so beautiful, so soothing, so... So fatal... Take me out of this... I feel lonely here without you, and it feels even lonelier when you are around... Now, I can't see any road ahead, just scrounging for some path like some lost vagabond. Everything is blurry... Just darkness, the sound of my heart throbbing for air, dying, slowly, craving for each single atom of air to keep its feeble beats ignited for even a paucity of time. It isn't going to keep me alive for long.. For in this ocean of ignominious sorrow, my own wails are clenching my neck like vile gigantic pincers... The depraved dark water looks unto me, laughing in itself at my pitiable plight... Laughing on my loveless penury... But I am still trying to stay alive with my faltering breaths, so steadily diminishing in intensity, to think, to tell the world my last words before the boundaries between me and this ashened sea cease to exist...

I wanted to make you my life... You refused to even be a part of it... The distance between us now is too vast... Our minds are so far asunder, it can never, ever, ever, decrease now... And the person to blame for that, is none but only me... Me, the protagonist of my poignant tale, me, the felon, me, the lost lover, me, the ruler, me, the vanquished... Me, the fallen angel, waiting to be reborn... Waiting for my wings to regrow looking upwards to heaven, so that I can fly high to my zenith once more to you, to try this fallible life once again, and this hope, this shimmering hope, will keep my soul alive till I am resurrected... Till then, this fallen angel will lie here in a bed of ruins... Waiting... Waiting... And waiting...

And now I can't speak anymore, the lights of my existence are blinking out altogether... I can't go on... But I will... I will have to... I and am ready to die here now, to rise again one day, come back from the land of the dead, only to meet my goddess again, only to meet, YOU...

Vacations

I'm bored. Simply bored. To the core.
And this was not supposed to happen. I mean, when you hear that there's gonna be an autumn break of a week, you are supposed to get elated, the sleeping, playing, not much studies, and all that. But mid way through my holidays, here I am, writing a post about how bored I am. You can imagine now how desperately I have nothing else to do.
Actually, as I am Bengali, this is a festive season for me. When other Indians follow Navratra and fast, we celebrate our Durga Puja & feast! Again, unity in varied diversity of India, renewed. But all that pushed apart, except roaming about here and there, sometimes with friends, sometimes with parents, I have nothing to do. I think holidays should be abolished. And if they aren't, at least some homework should be given, even in college. After all, who wants to write or study all by himself on his own? Not me. I don't know care about others.
Strictly speaking, these vacations began on an ugly note, or rather say, the last working day of school, oops, I mean college (I forget that I have grown up a bit) ended on an ugly note. Then from the next day, nothing to do, either blogging, or facebooking, or watching the idiot box, or reading, or playing my guitar, but still, those things do come under the nothing to do category to me, because those things hardly need any effort after gaining proficiency.
I think I should take up a new hobby, would be glad if somebody could suggest any. So confused. I could do with something creative or motivational. Till then, eagerly waiting for the regular routine to begin. I miss my friends, a lot. And there's a limit to how friendly you can be with your parents, stuck in your home all day.
These things happen every time with me, but there's a good news. I am not too well, so can spend half the day sleeping. My persistent recurring infection occurred again, so I am weak these days, don't feel like jumping around that much. An excuse to not think idly, you may say.
So much so, typed a little and I am feeling tired. Think I should get some sleep. Let's see what the remaining days are like. Waiting to experience something eventful, maybe on my cards. Who knows? :-)

A Short Thought

Lonely evenings,
Misty skies,
Lovely life,
But full of lies...

I wrote this a while ago when I was chatting with someone. It just came up in my mind by itself. It was when she asked me the meaning that I realized how deep it went.

"Lovely evenings," means that after the whole day, however the day goes, we feel tried, and feel contented to return home and rest. So regardless of the whether the day was good or bad, we are glad to escape to our own comfort zone of our home. As they say, home sweet home.

"Misty skies," well that's a tricky one. First I thought that meant tears, but one shouldn't always be so negative. I found an optimistic explanation after pondering for a while. It means that the sky is hazed, beautiful, and new life is coming. Maybe it will rain too, to give birth to new life from the seeds buried inside the earth.

"Lovely life," needs no thought. We all love our life. Yeah, some surely refuse to accept that, but in the end, all of us are glad that we are human beings, regardless of what we may say to others. We can't lie to ourselves, you know. So, as I always say, Live Life, the Lovely Way.

"But full of lies," that too is an undeniable truth. Verity can't be escaped, and same goes with life. Lies, betrayals, are a part of life. You just have to cope with it. And when you think you can't go on, read the lines above, and try to be cheerful, for life is short, but long enough to do something for yourself and be happy.

Aimless Life

Nothing to write. Actually that's not true.. Nothing to write which will interest you, is better. But that's an assumption, and it's often(if not always) dangerous to assume. You might be interested in what I have to say after all, or else you wouldn't still be reading this.(this is also assumed, so better stop fretting about your interest and read what I have to say anyways).
So where was I? Oh yeah, I hadn't even begun. What I wanted to write today is... is... God... this is tough. You think you have so much to say. Then you sit to write, and you can;t write anything at all because everything, every feeling, just refuse to come out. Incredible!! I really owe an apology for not writing anything worthwhile at all till now. But I won't be dishonest. So listen, I assure you that whatever follows will not be of any use to you whatsoever, I recommend you stop reading this now rather than being angry on me for writing nothing in the end.
Still I am writing this. You know why? Because I believe that at least one of you out there will be glad to read my feelings, just because I have chosen to share them instead of silently burying them in my heart.And here it begins: what begins? This isn't the start of a story. It's thought. And thoughts neither ever begin nor end.So I will just type whatever is in my mind right now.
What is the aim of my life?? I know you must be wondering why there's a question mark in the end. I myself wonder too. I mean, I ought to know what's my aim. Okay, forget life. What is my aim for tomorrow atleast?? Do I know?? Sadly, I don't. Or maybe I do, deep in the realm of the subconscious mind, but I haven't realized it yet. Whatever that is supposed to mean, the epitome is that I don't know what I want from life tomorrow. I don't know what I want to happen so that I will be content that even though a day in my life was lessened, I gained something. But even if I myself don't know my wishes, how can I expect the almighty to fulfill them? So I am going to sit(or lie) and think about it for a while, what I want to happen tomorrow. In vivid detail. For they say, imagination and visualization can make the universe biased to your good luck. Such is the power of thinking. So bye for now.
NOTE: It's been about two hours since I typed this in my phone, and now after a lot of thought, I have a somewhat vague(yet vague is better than nothing) picture of the perfect & ideal tomorrow in my mind. Sorry but I can't share that yet. It's detailed, it's long, and it's part of my personal life(although that's a flimsy excuse, I always share everything with my friends). So Good Night. Let's see how the real day works out tomorrow compared to my imagined one.

Dream 12th July

Yesterday I had an interesting dream. I dreamed that my college had reopened(it's opening on 21st), but only about 4 or 5 students of my class had come on the first day!!! And they too were whining about having to come. That's weird, because in reality most of the about 60 students in my class like to come regularly. Anyways, then I saw there was a test to be conducted a week after. Everyone got so tensed. It's a different feeling in your dream. You feel that you are flying, and there are no worries, even in the tensest of moments.But there was a good news. Students of Science courses had been exempted because there wasn't much time for us to prepare our syllabus. I was so happy.

Then my dream transitioned to a place near my old School, in front of Iskon Temple in Kailash Hills. I saw a group of bullies approaching me, and they tried to provoke me into a fight. But instead of being enraged, I tackled them diplomatically and made my way out. Pretty much consistent with my actual nature(hell yes, it was me dreaming right?). Then while walking, you know the feeling, flying away, and put on another place.

Well, after many many months, I saw someone in my dream, an old friend(:D :D you got it right). She was standing a bit distant. I could see her, but she couldn't see or hear me. So gloomily, I made my way back through a path which had sprang right next to me. And in the end of that was a nice cafe, with white tables and chairs, like in parks, outside, and near one of them was my friend standing, smiling to me. Then it all went black.

Then I woke up. An hour before.

The Unknown Feeling

I want to clear one thing first. This unknown feeling is no way about that damn love. I understand when I'm in love pretty well. So get rid of your misconceptions this moment only if you have.

Now, I don't really understand(obvious from the topic), I mean, I had had nothing to do much in these holidays, and so, as with everyone else, I did get bored. But simultaneously, I had some strange sensations. Something was changing. Some thingS were changing. I didn't understand what, haven't. But still, something is. Hope I will reveal myself to me soon. Till then, I am just left wondering, why I have been feeling so different these days??

What I Wanted To Say

What will a boy say to someone when he cannot forget his crush & cannot keep remembering her also?
If you want to know, keep reading...

When I saw you the first time, I developed an immense attraction towards you. As I saw you more & more everyday, I began liking you even more. I wanted to have friendship with you but was always afraid to even go near you, let alone talk to you, because you were so beautiful & sweet. You must have felt that I was a freak, but my weird & bizarre behaviour was due to the extreme nervousness in front of you. 

When sometimes you looked at me, I felt like falling of the world out of joy. I would start building up new dreams with only you & me in it, far from the present world, in perfect silence, full of loneliness.

Every night I dreamt of you & everyday I eagerly waited for evening so that I can see you. I would count the stars I saw in my dream, counting the stars along with you. I wanted you to be mine, but always ended up thinking what will you think of me after knowing what I thought about you.

But then, as fate wanted, you disappeared suddenly into some ignominial darkness one day & my world seemed bleak. Now there is no chance of ever talking to you again so I am writing this. I repent not saying these things to you before, but alas, I was too afraid lest you should get angry on me. But now it doesn’t matter. I would still like you to be my friend but it’s a matter of great dismay that you will perhaps never consider me as a friend of yours…

Death Is Better Than Life

Contrary to the general notion that death is the end of life, I believe that it is only the beginning of a new life, a life far better & far far from the woes & worries inflicted so commonly upon us in this common world. After death, life ends, with all the miseries we may have & must have endured throughout our life. People believe there is only darkness associated with death, failing to realize that the darkness is much brighter than the darkness residing in our own mind when we are alive, the darkness which blows out the most illuminated emotion of the human body- the sense of love in the heart. 

It’s true, people have become so selfishly embedded within themselves that nowadays they scarcely think about anyone else, be it their closest friends or many a times, even their loved ones. You may yourself have noticed how things begin to change rapidly, for the worse, just when something good happens & we get a few precious moments of happiness. But you are wrong, for it’s not that any particular thing changes, it’s the people associated with these things who change. And as a consequence of this change, our happiness turns into gloom, such gloom as to make us, or at least me, so much despondent that it feels better to die than live.

I myself have experienced this & so when I am bored & have nothing to do expect ponder on these types of thoughts, I realize it would be better I would be dead. Some would be happy, some would be indifferent, but very very few would be genuinely sad. And most of you won’t even know when I was dead. The happiest person would be me, as I would have left this sorrowful world, along with all my woes, and would be residing gleefully is some far unknown place in the land of the dead. I do not guarantee that it would be a very nice place, but I know deep within, that it would certainly be nicer than the world in which I live...

NOTE: This is just an article. I am not mentally ill or mad so please do not take this seriously as my true intentions of dying. I have good friends & they are all nice. Please comment if you like it.